"In Search of the Silver Lining"

Today is Father's Day here in America.  Like Mother's Day, it can be loving and full of praise and wonderment at how our parents do everything that they do. On the other hand, these two days also drag strained parent-child relationships into a harsh light, or cause us to grieve anew if we are without the celebratory parent.

The Old Testament lesson today was 2 Samuel 11:26-12:10, 13-15.  I'm not going to go too far into the actual story yet, as it looks like it'll be cropping up in the not too distant future, but the point was that because David killed a man to have that man's wife, and therefore scorned God, "the sword shall never depart from [David's] house," and David's son with that woman died because of it. In the sermon today ("In Search of the Silver Lining"), my Associate Pastor called for us to be able to lay down our families' swords to better find the silver lining.  She discussed a genetics study that discovered how a parent's childhood and stress levels can impact that parent's DNA, which in turn gets passed to his or her children. (I found one such study here: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/08/110830144630.htm)  So you have an anxiety prone parent? Do you also suffer from anxiety issues?  How about depression running in families? I see it. I know this argument gets into Nature v. Nurture, and I don't really want to debate that now, but how often do you realize that you are acting just like one of your parents? It happens to me all the time. Mostly like my dad, but I've got mom-moments too.

Anywho, it's up to us to continue or break the cycle, and in the case of destructive relationships... lay down the sword, and move past it. My pastor also spoke candidly about her own childhood, relationship with her father, his Bipolar Disorder, and his dementia. She's not much for celebrating the parent days, but did send him a gift this year: a letter, thanking him for giving her the gift of her experiences, friends and family from Colorado. She found the silver lining to their relationship. I cried. In my last post, I mentioned my own mother's dementia, and how I'll be using her bible for this project. While I mentioned baggage associated with that, I was hardly even scratching the surface. My mother and I had a tumultuous relationship at the best of times. The number of times I screamed at her how much I hated her, ran away because I was lit up with anger (only to come back later that night), tried to move out... I don't even know anymore. A lot has happened between then and now, a lot. But now that I'm an adult and could make peace with, and maybe even befriend my mother, I can't. She can't even speak real words most of the time anymore.

So Mom, this project seems to be my letter to you, thanking you. Even though it will still be there for me to see, and remember how sharp it is, I'm laying down the sword.

<3 Agnostic in the Pews